Showing posts with label masturbation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label masturbation. Show all posts

Saturday, July 7, 2007

slack packery, foot quackery, nerd geekery, and otherwise jabber jawin'

Huh? What's "slack packing"? That's what us guys who carry too much do to get by.

I've hit Andover, ME and will be getting a lift, with a much lighter pack, to two points along the trail, do a day of hiking, and get picked up at the end of the day. I'll be getting through one of the rougher 10-20 mile sections this way over the next day or two. This way, you get all the parts of the trail in, but don't kill yourself doing it. Just two weeks ago I was scoffing at this practice, thinking I wouldn't do it.... but gosh darn it, these last few hills have been much bigger than the map, and I'm not ready to push the infamous foot too hard just yet. In other words, I'm pussing out for a bit. On a plus side, I may be trading my highly prized computer skillz (learned from watching napoleon dynamite at least 3 times) for a night or two at the pine ellis hostel in andover.

For all those who expressed concern regarding my masturbatory difficulties, let it be known that much discussion and some experimentation have yielded a surprisingly and disgustingly simple solution (pun obviously intended). I will refrain from damaging the eyes and minds reading this, but if your dark depraved side must know, ask me and ye shall be stricken with the information.

Google's spell check doesn't work on this computer... so, now you will all realize how poorly I really spell. Another cat out of the bag... speaking of which... if there are any folks out there who can put an ear or three to the ground to help find a home for sick cats, please do so and get back to me or Dave Bogdan. The cat is expressing frustration at my disappearance by causing her kidneys to fail. This in turn is leading to all sorts of fun for Dave. If someone knows of a home that would take in an unhealthy kitty, it may very well keep us from calling her names or otherwise putting her down.

The two leading questions I've got from folks:

1) accidental mail program failure caused the chopping... who knows what I was going to say?

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Stratton Maine. ~185 miles in

I've been having a great time. And and arduous time. I was trying to relate mountain height to Mom the other day when I thought about walking up steps in a building. The observatory in the Empire state building is on the 86th floor, at 1050 feet high. My day yesterday included walking 16 miles over rough terrain in rain (making falls on slippery roots and rocks most probable), and climbing up and down the bigelow mountains. That includes about 6000 feet of up, and another 6000 down. Consider walking from Battery park to midtown, up the empire state building, back down, over to battery park, and repeat around 6 times. Then put slippery roots and rocks all over every surface, and do it in the rain. Yesterday alone, I fell about 5 times pretty cleanly. Only two times into bogs, and once on sheer rock with about 10 feet of sliding down into some type of evergreen tree. It gets, at times, exciting, boring, surreal, lonely, frightening, and very, very tiring.

I've been doing some really short walking days due to finding some spectacular chilling spots. Think laying near a sandy beach on the side of a leech infested pond, canoe rowing at dusk, waiting out rain under a several hundred ton boulder resting on a few pebbles, reclining in the shade on a finger of land extending into the center of a lake, rolling in the pine needles in an older growth tree area, dipping feet in a 15 foot-triple-cascade waterfall surrounded by black cliffs, laying down in a tub shaped depression in a fast moving stream, pond shore resting against a hot rock with 25 mile an hour winds blowing off the pond waiting for sunset or sun rise, stretching out on the top of a 3000 foot peak with 360 degree views for hundreds of miles. I'm onto my 4th book, because of all these great spots I keep finding to relax. I'm going slower than some folks, but I think I may be having more fun.

I'm at 149 lbs today after a swell BM (which are arriving promptly at first wake, rather than randomly though the day). I was sitting at 180 -ish a couple months before the start of this trip, and hit a mind numbing 159 when weighed on a friend's bathroom scale a few days before the trip. A friend lent me some pants for this trip, which were a 33 waist, and though they fit just right a few weeks before I left, they were a little lose when I left, and are now dropping to my ankles without something to hold them up. My first pant dropping was just after entering the burg of Caratunk from a 16 - 18 mile day, and setting my pack down. I tried to walk off, then noticed the breeze, luckily before anyone else did.

For those that have eaten with me, you probably remember that my appetite was usually pretty small, often meaning leftovers or wasted food. A week ago, I had breakfast, a large lunch, and a couple hours later a 3 plate dinner plus dessert, followed by a few beers and several sodas, fruit drinks, and more beer. I'm pushing around 4000 calories a day, I think. I've bumped a raman soup, which is usually 200 calories alone, up to around 1200-1600 calories by adding sausage, EVOO, cheese, and any breaded items I can find into the mix. I'm eating several candy bars a day, plus large dinners, but still missing a break even calorie mark. Soon, I'll start eating my muscles unless I can figure out some new ways to reduce calorie burn, or add calories to my meals. While in town, I'm chowing down, and basically packing the pounds on all day long.

I saw myself in a full mirror for the first time in 21 days today. Wow.... I'm missing a bunch of me. My calves look like they are expecting in the next 6 months. My ankles and feet look swollen, and they probably are a bit, but oddly enough, I think they are also just growing muscle and look much bigger than I remember. My inner ankle bone used to stick out, but now is level with the flesh around it (freaky looking after 28 years of seeing that bone protrude, and now vanish). My leg skin looks like I'm into some serious S+M, or at least a klutz. I'm digging my hair though. A week or so between using shampoo makes me look like the cool new york kiddos, even if I smell like the cool new york hobos. The ladies have yet to notice, though the mosquitoes seem to dig it.

Loons! I've been spending the last several nights near ponds just to catch the eerie sound of the loons calling at night. If you haven't heard loon song, freaking hop off this mail and go look it up. It is astonishing, surreal, and well worth only covering 6 miles a day to stick around. I even borrowed a canoe one day to go out on Pierce pond (supposed to have 27 nesting loon families) and wait for them.

Fun trivia; New Jersey, and Massachusetts have Hess gas trucks for sale in department stores. Maine has logging trucks for sale in department stores. $43.89.

I'm still awkward meeting new people, but I am seeing some of that tend to fall away. I'm not yet sure if that is because I'm starting to develop a pattern or list of topics that help ease new folks into conversation or not. Do other people have such a problem getting conversation going? As is, I feel like these starter conversations are rote, and dry feeling, even if they lead into much more interesting topics. Gift of gab... why for didn't thou get jammed into me at birth? I'm getting to be sort of a conversation facilitator. I'm good at bumping into folks and remembering lots of details about them, which I in turn pass on to others. When a couple of people I've remotely introduced bump into each other, they already know what they have in common. It's like conversation kindling, what I'm doing. Luckily, I've been in the lead of the pack, and slowly dropped behind, only to push out a good mileage day to get back with an already known group. This means I get to spread news forward and backward along the trail. This type of news spreading, interestingly enough happens even if I don't make it happen. Somehow we just get to know news that is leading or trailing us by a few days. Sometimes this comes from the trail registers (log books at the shelters); sometimes it comes from travelers in the opposite direction, or speed hikers coming from behind. It's like small town news on the move.

I've become pretty good at rolling cigarettes, grabbing bugs out of the air, starting a fire even when damp (though not so good at the soaking wet fire yet).

It gets lonely... if you know what I mean. Haven't worked out the details of masturbation yet. Toilet paper is too important to waste on such a comfort, leaves probably won't cut it, and you (or at least, I) don't want to carry around any leakage for a week. I've been putting some serious thought into the topic, but have yet to experiment. I knew I was in for a dry spell out here, but this is getting into biblical drought proportions quickly. If I figure out a good solution, I'll fill you in :)

Maybe more later... I'll be here in booming Stratton, ME. waiting for details on the health of the cat, which has had some serious problems recently.

As always, thanks guys! Getting random calls and emails from folks is a real moral boost. This hike is now mostly a mental game and every little bit that you throw at me makes it just a hair easier to keep walking onward.